Nursing kalokohan`

This is fake and only for joke time

i stole this from tsups! ^-^

NURSING HISTORY

Patient's Name- Vhulva Black Person obtaining History- Perry Cairre, RN

Age- 18

Sex- others

Civil status- single, NBSB

Religion- Catholic

Hospital/Patient #- 1408

Room #- 210

Address- book 1, Health Sciences Street, Library Village, Lesson City

Occupation- UST student nurse (UST-SN)

Race/nationality- Smartan

CHIEF COMPLAINT- headache, loss of weight, moodiness, antisocial, nose bleeding, hallucinations, hears "lubb-dupp" sounds, low grades, cough, edema, varicose veins, lethargic, loss of books in the locker

>what do you think caused you to get sick? studying for 8 straight hours since evening 'til dawn for 1 whole prelim week

>was there a change in your usual way of life? if so, how? "Yes. I never slept, transformed to a geek, and ate books"

>with whom do you live? with my stethoscope

>pastime- studying

>self-treatment: sleep

>were your problems relieved by the treatment? not at all

>effect of treatment- low grades, unfinished homework, wasted time, 3 in MP

>difficulty in hearing? always hear "lubb-dupp" sounds everywhere, everytime

>fluid intake- decreased

>fluids you prefer- water, water, coffee, coffee, coffee, coke, coke, shake, shake

>weight- underunderwight

>food intake- decreased

>foods you prefer to eat- anything

>usual source of food- medicine cafeteria, hospital canteen, hospital cafeteria, hospital, hospital, hospital........and classroom

>bowel movement- contipated, due to stress

>urination- seldom

>breathing- hyperventilating

>lung sounds- "waaaaa-shhhhh"

>heart sounds- "lag-got"

VITAL SIGNS : 37.5°C, 110/70, RR=21, PR=71

LABORATORY RESULTS

1. fecalysis- positive for Malabacterium famadicens (causative agent of Grabe's disease)

-positive for pages of books

color- dark brown

consistency- formed

form: star-shaped

2. Guiang test (test for visible blood)- positive in epistaxis

3. urinalysis- positive for crystallized brain cells

nimbus, cloudy urine

color- sunny yellow

pH- 5.55

4. CBC- low RBC count, low Hgb, high WBC

5. Sputum test- positive for Microphonella peňa (causative agent of Chewing Cough)

6. encephalography- observed overabundant brain cells

DIAGNOSIS

1. Epistaxis- nose bleeding during lecture hours (ex. Ana-Phy)

2. Chewing Cough- persistent coughing on the microphone

3. Grabe’s disease- characterized by trauma, stress, increased blood pressure, dramatic decline in grades

4. Nerdiasis/ Bookiasis- higher than normal number of brain cells

- characterized by abnormally high IQ and being grade-conscious

5. edema- related to standing for hours in RLE

6. Korotkoff’s syndrome- strange hearing of “lubb-dupp” sounds

7. Sleepylis- falling asleep during classes

- characterized by nightmares

8. Cram-Panic’s disorder: screaming lung sounds and panic state of the heart

9. Rectoman Fever- loss of books in the locked locker

INTERVENTIONS/TREATMENTS

1. Shiftendazole – nursing isn’t for you

2. Sleepiotic- have enough sleep

3. Rectoman Toxoid- remove all your things in the locker

4. increase food and fluid intake

5. high-fiber diet

6. close monitoring of VS

7. stay away from M. famadicens habitat

8. study…..normally

9. pray before sleeping and taking exams

10. take multivitamins

EVALUATION: (*wait for the results, come this 2^nd sem)